mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
