im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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