Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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