her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
