We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
