i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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