she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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