Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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