He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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