He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
