Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
