Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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