I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
