i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
