You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
