I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize