I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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