Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
