I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
