On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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