last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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