exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
