Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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