i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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