Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
