We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
