The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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