why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
