Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
