Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
