I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
