butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
ttyl tear gas
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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