I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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