So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
