I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
