I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
