sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
