Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
