yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
