You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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