Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
