I cannot find my penis.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
