i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
