we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
