I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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