and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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