She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
