But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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