Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
