It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize