We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
