just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
