why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
