i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
