Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
