Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize