you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
