Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
