I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're like the curious george of whores
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
