whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
