Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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